Painting Pictures of Egypt

I've alluded a couple of times to the fact that I just can't seem to finish the book of Exodus. Really, there's a lot of irony in this, but I keep getting sidetracked by the New Testament. This isn't a bad thing, but I've made a commitment to read the Bible chronologically. This isn't just legalism for me. I realize that I put a great amount of stock in story, and the Bible is a narrative, so for a story lover, it looses a little something when you go out of sequence. I decided that I need to do this to further my understanding of the master storytelling of God.

So, I'm chilling with the Israelites first in Egypt and now we're on our way to the Promised Land. What I keep getting caught up in is mindset of the people? They're running out of food, and they say to Moses, "Um, did God just bring us out here to die? We would have been better off if we had stayed in Egypt." My first reaction is to be all "How ungrateful! Do you not understand the fact that you were slaves? You kinda asked for this." However, the the straight up truth is that I do this a lot, too.

It sounds a little different when I say it. It's more, "God, it was better when I could talk about someone and not have that twinge of discomfort. God, I was a lot better off when I didn't have to tithe and could buy more stuff for me. God, it was better when I didn't have to give up my time for others and could watch tv all day." But the truth is, freedom is always better. What I didn't understand about those times was that I wasn't my own master. When I choose the things that are not what God has for me, I become a slave to a destiny that's not my own.

If I honestly appraise these situations, I find that they make me more loving, less materialistic, more selfless. They make me more of who I am in every way. They bring with it a freedom to enjoy life. A freedom to be known. A freedom to love and be loved.

I keep writing in the margin of my Bible, "Freedom is always better." Go hungry, but be free. Be alone, but be free. Put yourself in danger, but be free. Freedom is always better. Harriet Tubman said something to the effect that she had rescued thousands of slaves, but she could have rescued thousands more if only they had realized that they weren't free. Man, that statement hit me hard. I'd hate to think of myself walking around not knowing that I'm a slave. So this week, I'm asking God to show me. Where am tied to things that take away my choice? Where am I not living the glorious life He's planned for me? Where can I be more me instead of a slave to something else? I have a feeling I'm less free than I'd like to think.

As a separate Holla! I have to give a shout out to my amazing Mom. I have an abscessed tooth which hurts unlike anything I have ever experienced before (sorry to end a sentence with a preposition). I had to leave work today and went through a whole debacle to get something for the pain (I really wanted to rip my own face off) and a more powerful antibiotic. I'm a crier, and I called my mom twice today in tears of pain and frustration. So, this evening, my wonderful mother, in the sleet and icky rain, brought me soup and jello, so I could eat something without wanting to slam my head against the wall. It really hurts that much.