Painting Pictures of Egypt

I've alluded a couple of times to the fact that I just can't seem to finish the book of Exodus. Really, there's a lot of irony in this, but I keep getting sidetracked by the New Testament. This isn't a bad thing, but I've made a commitment to read the Bible chronologically. This isn't just legalism for me. I realize that I put a great amount of stock in story, and the Bible is a narrative, so for a story lover, it looses a little something when you go out of sequence. I decided that I need to do this to further my understanding of the master storytelling of God.

So, I'm chilling with the Israelites first in Egypt and now we're on our way to the Promised Land. What I keep getting caught up in is mindset of the people? They're running out of food, and they say to Moses, "Um, did God just bring us out here to die? We would have been better off if we had stayed in Egypt." My first reaction is to be all "How ungrateful! Do you not understand the fact that you were slaves? You kinda asked for this." However, the the straight up truth is that I do this a lot, too.

It sounds a little different when I say it. It's more, "God, it was better when I could talk about someone and not have that twinge of discomfort. God, I was a lot better off when I didn't have to tithe and could buy more stuff for me. God, it was better when I didn't have to give up my time for others and could watch tv all day." But the truth is, freedom is always better. What I didn't understand about those times was that I wasn't my own master. When I choose the things that are not what God has for me, I become a slave to a destiny that's not my own.

If I honestly appraise these situations, I find that they make me more loving, less materialistic, more selfless. They make me more of who I am in every way. They bring with it a freedom to enjoy life. A freedom to be known. A freedom to love and be loved.

I keep writing in the margin of my Bible, "Freedom is always better." Go hungry, but be free. Be alone, but be free. Put yourself in danger, but be free. Freedom is always better. Harriet Tubman said something to the effect that she had rescued thousands of slaves, but she could have rescued thousands more if only they had realized that they weren't free. Man, that statement hit me hard. I'd hate to think of myself walking around not knowing that I'm a slave. So this week, I'm asking God to show me. Where am tied to things that take away my choice? Where am I not living the glorious life He's planned for me? Where can I be more me instead of a slave to something else? I have a feeling I'm less free than I'd like to think.

As a separate Holla! I have to give a shout out to my amazing Mom. I have an abscessed tooth which hurts unlike anything I have ever experienced before (sorry to end a sentence with a preposition). I had to leave work today and went through a whole debacle to get something for the pain (I really wanted to rip my own face off) and a more powerful antibiotic. I'm a crier, and I called my mom twice today in tears of pain and frustration. So, this evening, my wonderful mother, in the sleet and icky rain, brought me soup and jello, so I could eat something without wanting to slam my head against the wall. It really hurts that much.

Love the Ones You're With

I have a difficult time with transitions. I’m sure you’ve figured this out from earlier posts. With this being said, it came as a surprise to everyone, including myself, when I decided to make a transition at work. After 4 years of teaching 7^th grade, I decided it was time to do something different.

This year I started teaching 6^th grade, and I loved it. I loved the kids. I loved the curriculum. I loved the parent involvement (remind me of this during conference time). I loved the new people I worked with. The only thing that smarted was my desire to be with the people I had once been with.

I often have these desires. I wish like crazy that I could pull all the people I love together - all my favorite work colleagues on one hall, all my friends and family in the same neighborhood, all of my favorite church people on the same pew. I hate that the people I love get compartmentalized.

In a way, I guess I’m lucky. I know many people who have this. They have a small and intimate circle of loved ones, and they’re comprised largely of the home and workplace. This isn’t a bad life. I just seem to need more attention than that. ;)

I wish I didn’t have to choose between spending time with this one group of friends in order to spend time with another. I want them all to be one. I want them all to love each other the way I love them. I want a utopia of perfect friendships, and I want you to be there.

It's a Beautiful Day!

We've had gorgeous weather this weekend in Georgia. Highs in the upper 60s. Slight breezes. Sunshine. This spring like weather has been good for the soul. It just makes me feel like good things are coming. Springtime (I realize it's only January, but it feels like April right now) always does this to me. I love it. Feels like I'm waking up again. Let's pray for more days during which I can drive with my windows rolled down and the music turned up.

My Broken Bookish Heart

I am ostensibly part of a Jane Austen book club. I was unable to attend our first meeting because . . . well, I honestly can't remember why, but I was so super excited for our second meeting. We would be discussing Northanger Abbey which I had not read before. We were to discuss the book, nosh on some goodies, and watch the latest BBC adaptation of the film.

I have been so pumped about it all day. I, in fact, turned down spending more time with my friend, Anna E, which I never do, in order to go. I kept checking the Facebook invite on my phone all day. We were to begin at 9 and end at 12. I thought this strange, but it fit in the with pseudo-gothic theme of the book. I did my deeds for the day and came home to make cheesey bread bites, perhaps, the most delicious treat in the whole world. Then, I waited.

At approximately 8:20 I tricked the dog into going into her crate. (We got a dog or Roomie did, I should say, but that is another post.) I put my cheesey bread bites which had cooled into a tupperware container, and sat down at my computer to look up my friend, Dana's, address. When I pulled up the event on my computer, you will imagine my shock and surprise when it says the event starts at 6 and ends at 9!

I was heart broken. The cheesey bread bites were heart broken. I'm pretty sure Jane is heart broken. The only one who is happy is Daisy, the dog, because she got to come out of her crate. What a sucky turn of events, for an otherwise delightful day. I'm going to go eat bread bites now.

Confessions

1) I cannot think of that word (confessions) without thinking about the Usher song.

2) I keep library books for an inordinate amount of time. I rack up all kinds of late fees. There are two sitting on the table right now, that I checked out in June. If you've been waiting to read A Man Called Peter or Run With the Horsemen, I'm very sorry.

3) I label the parts of speech in my head while I write and read sentences. It's an occupational hazard.

4) I am deathly afraid of clowns. In fact a co-worker of mine put a clip art picture of a clown on a slide show about adjectives, and I skipped over it in every class.

5) I've had really good responses from my last few blogs which is pretty exciting. However, I now feel I have to bring the profound every time. So, I'm confessing right now, this is not going to happen. I have very few profound thoughts. I do promise that all the profound thoughts I do have will make it here.

6) I really want to start an educational publishing company.

7) I've been jonesing to live in London for a while. I mean the London that exists in my head where I meet Richard Armitage, he falls madly in love with me, we get married, and have lots of babies who call me mum.

8) Just to go along with the song, there might be a Confessions, Part II!

For your enjoyment! You can listen to Usher's Confessions here.

Love's Divine

So, a couple of administrative things to get out of the way. We have some winners from last post's game. I've decided to honor the first blog commenter and the first Facebook commenter who had the right answer. Last weeks title - Dogmatic for the People - was, of course, a play on REM's Automatic for the People. This means that Sally Anne, you'll have something crafty delivered to your class room later this week, and TheResearcher, such a mysterious handle by the way, you'll need to email me (you can do this by clicking on my profile and an email option will be there) your name and address, so you can get your awesome crafty gift in the mail! Yay, wieners!

This brings us back to my previous angst regarding 1 Corinthians 13. Remember I was convinced it was dogma due to the unenthusiastic response of a former VBS teacher. Apart from the derision of others, the only other thing I heard (and remembered) about this passage was rather defeating. The pastor suggested that you take out the word love and replace it with your name, ya know, just to see how you measure up. Let's play the game right now, shall we? (Just as a heads up, I'm using The Message translation because it fits in nicely with this activity.)

Sarah never gives up. (only when it's easy)
Sarah cares more for others than for self. (I'd say 50/50)

Sarah doesn't want what it doesn't have. (um . . . macbook, iphone, dslr, Colin Firth or Richard Armitage depending . . . )
Sarah doesn't strut, (only because I'm clumsy)
Sarah doesn't have a swelled head, (usually)
Sarah doesn't force herself on others, (not usually)
Sarah isn't always "me first," (I LOVE being first)

Sarah doesn't fly off the handle, (hahahahahahaha, I teach middle school)
Sarah doesn't keep score of the sins of others, (then how will you know when you're even?)
Sarah doesn't revel when others grovel, (depends on what their score is)
Sarah takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, (for the most part)
Sarah puts up with anything, (again, I teach small children things)
Sarah trusts God always, (I would love to say this is true)
Sarah always looks for the best, (when I like the person)
Sarah never looks back (unless I'm afraid of the future)
But keeps going to the end. (only when the finish line is nearby)

You see where I got defeated? This is unattainable. I cannot measure up to love! I mean God is love, right? How can I be as good as He is? And the other night, this was where I stopped. God is all these things, so I did the exercise again, but instead of my name I put in God's.

God never gives up. (Not even when we want Him to)
God cares more for others than for self. (Amazing!)
God doesn't want what it doesn't have. (Because everything is His)
God doesn't strut, (He is doesn't need to show off His authority)
God doesn't have a swelled head, (Though no one deserves one more)
God doesn't force itself on others, (Even when He sees what we need most, but we won't take it because we don't think we need Him)
God isn't always "me first," (He did not come to be served but to serve)
God doesn't fly off the handle, (Even when He should, even when I push Him to it)
God doesn't keep score of the sins of others, (Not even mine)
God doesn't revel when others grovel, (He is mercy, and grace, and redemption)
God takes pleasure in the flowering of truth, (Always, He is always revealing it to us . . . to me)
God puts up with anything, (All the stupid, all the selfish, all the just plain wrong)
God trusts God always, (It's simple, He knows his own mind)
God always looks for the best, (In all of us, in me, in you, in my enemy)
God never looks back, (It cannot be changed and it is already full of His mark)
God keeps going to the end. (There is none for Him. He will go on forever, and so will we if we are in Him)

Totally changed everything. It became less a list that I would never live up to, but instead, a list of the magnificence of my Creator. A God who is all these things, a God who can put into me all these things because He dwells in me. I can have these attributes not out of effort but out of aligning myself with the Spirit. God is all these things, and because He is in me, everyday, I am becoming more of this.

Amazing! Beautiful! Astonishing! True! And all this from verses I believed, so long ago, were unworthy of my attention. All this from dogma. Turned out the dogma wasn't in the truth but in my thinking.

Dogmatic for the People

Weird fact. I learned the word dogma in the 3rd grade. I remember when it happened. My sister was talking about how in her Sunday School class, they talked about how John 3:16 had become dogma. I think here I should insert that my sister is 9 years older than me, so it wasn't like this was the discussion in 5th grade Sunday School. My sister argued vehemently against this, but in this she had to explain to me what dogma was.

Simply put, she said it was when something had become useless just because people asserted it all the time. Her argument was that assertions based on truth could never be dogmatic. I agree with her totally, but it's true that we let truth become trite to us.

I experienced this first hand when I was really young. I was chosen to pick a bible verse for our VBS group to study in about the 4th grade. I searched and searched. Then, I found it. 1 Corinthians 13. It was all about love. How could I go wrong? I remember sharing it with my group, and my teacher looking at me and saying, "You've never read that before?" She said it with such disdain, too. In that moment, I stopped thinking about that chapter with any sense of wonder. It was dogma, and everyone else had already been there.

I read back through 1 Corinthian 13 the other day. It is beautiful and wise, and it is TRUTH. I had ignored it for so long because I thought, "Oh, how cliche. Love! Everyone reads about that." But love is the thing on which we've built our entire foundation. It is God in His very essence. So, this is post one about the chapter of love. There will be more soon to come because I'm taking back truth from the realm of the trite. And I'm not going to let anyone make me feel bad for finding meaning in the simple. Not that any of you would. It's the others I'm worried about.

Added bonus!If you can guess the album title I spoofed for my title, you get a special prize. No, really you do, so start guessing.